What If The Top Gear Story Is A Set Up?

"Cixelsyd" (marend) 03/11/2015 at 10:20 • Filed to: None

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When the story of Jeremy Clarkson's suspension first broke, I thought, "Well, I guess that was inevitable at some point." When it later came out that it was supposedly over catering, I was puzzled. I figured it would be something more substantial. Punching someone over some food mix up seems...odd. Then, a few hours later, all three hosts took to twitter and started making jokes about it, like there was nothing at all seriously wrong. That really confused me. Who responds to a suspension by doing something that shows you don't care about it and is likely to anger your bosses even more? Why tempt fate? If the punching story is true, it's not exactly defensible behavior. Why would May and Hammond join in and risk their own careers by angering the brass as well? Something isn't adding up.

The BBC's own statement doesn't reference a punch, either. All it says is that there was a "fracas." The official statement in its entirety:

Following a fracas with a BBC producer, Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended pending an investigation. No one else has been suspended. Top Gear will not be broadcast this Sunday. The BBC will be making no further comment at this time.

The punching a producer angle has all come from unnamed "sources" so far.

That's where my odd, admittedly completely baseless and speculative and highly unlikely to be true, theory comes in. What if the whole thing was a set up? What if they had something come up that required them to miss a week of taping and also required absolute secrecy?

Like, perhaps, a much anticipated hypercar test?

As they said last week, Top Gear is currently in final negotiations with Ferrari, McLaren, and Porsche to conduct the first ever on-track, driven in anger, head-to-head-to-head test of the three new flagship cars. The hang up, we've been told, was that each of the manufacturers was placing various demands on the test. How the cars are prepped, which track they use, which drivers are behind the wheel, the position of Earth in its orbit relative to Saturn's third moon, etc. The manufacturers all want to make sure the test and its results are as controlled as possible. It strikes me that one of the conditions could have been that nothing about the test is leaked until the manufacturers are happy and Top Gear airs the results. Presumably, Top Gear would have an interest in this as well, to avoid a scoop by other cameras and spotters in the area during their exclusive testing.

So, if you are Top Gear's producers, how do you get your hosts and crew out of the studio, miss a week of taping, and not have anyone suspect that something is up? Using Clarkson's persona to manufacture a fake suspension seems like a pretty clever way to do that. He'd probably be on board with playing along, as well. Studio goes dark, none of the crew comes to work, and no one questions why. Brilliant!

Of course, the other option is that Clarkson just punched a guy over some soup, which is probably still more likely than the story I just spun.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 10:24

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Like, perhaps, a much anticipated hypercar test?

That would be epic.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 10:30

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It might just be because allergies hit me like a train wreck this morning, but this makes a lot more sense than I care to admit.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 03/11/2015 at 10:30

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Or, ending the show before Jeremy becomes "Jennifer"?

WiscoProud > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 10:38

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I like the way you think. Fingers crossed you're right.

CKeffer > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 10:42

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I would love for this to be the case.

Mattbob > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 10:43

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Wheelerguy > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 03/11/2015 at 10:44

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Yep. I could see this happen. Stirring up controversy gets Jalopnik and other publications—hell, EVERY auto site, to focus on the story, especially with the angle of having Top Gear axed for good because of Jezza's actions. Absolutely nobody would dare go to Dunsfold and other locations unless they employ James Bond or use a satellite.

Here's the problem: for Cixelsyd's speculation to be true, either May or Hammond has to do something stupid and get suspended too (I'm thinking it's gotta be Hammond, as May's already got a bad rap). And then have Tiff or Andy say that talks are on about the overall fate of TG. It's news too big to pass up, but in the end they'll be back as if nothing happened. And then suddenly 918 vs P1 vs LaF Stig test in Dunsfold, and cross-channel roadtrip with them.

Cixelsyd > Mattbob 03/11/2015 at 10:46

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Thanks, but there is no way I'm wearing that pin. It's sure to have an Illuminati tracking device in it. I'll just stick with my trusty tin foil for now.

whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 10:48

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Read your first sentence as "When Jeremy Clarkson's suspension first broke. . ." and was very confused. He seems to break all he touches.

Cixelsyd > Wheelerguy 03/11/2015 at 10:51

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I don't think May or Hammond have to be involved.

I recall one of the manufacturer conditions being that they couldn't use Dunsfold for the track because it was a track McLaren used for development. One of the manufacturers (can't recall which right now) demanded "neutral ground" for the test.

All they need is an excuse not to do the studio taping for a week when they are normally expected to be there. They have that now.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 10:57

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Oddly, it was McLaren who didn't want to use Dunsfold because they thought the layout favored Porsche's AWD setup.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU 03/11/2015 at 10:58

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It's usually Hammonds suspension that breaks.

Wheelerguy > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 10:59

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So, where would you guess they're gonna go? Imola? Monaco? Suzuka? Anyone else have a guess?

I was still thinking of another scenario when both Porsche and Ferrari would cave in and test in Dunsfold with McLaren, which means another week to shoot. And that would mean another kind of way to hide the test from prying eyes.

Then again though, yours works better than mine.

whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 03/11/2015 at 11:03

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Surprising, one would think the heavier driver would wreak more havoc on suspension components.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU 03/11/2015 at 11:04

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Could be he can't see over the wheel? :)

whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 03/11/2015 at 11:05

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Could be, although I'm marginally larger than him and seem to do alright.

Cixelsyd > Wheelerguy 03/11/2015 at 11:07

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Assuming for a second my wild theory is true:

It's got to be somewhere they can close off and avoid cameras. Monaco is out then.

Imola might be too closely associated with Ferrari to be "neutral."

It also has to be an epic location to match the epicness of the test.

Spa? Monza?

itschrome > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 11:10

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Aww shit! that makes sense. I only hope your right! Please be right!

Wheelerguy > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 11:14

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Nope. Not Monza. That's Italian territory, too. Spa? Maybe, but McLaren went there on Jezza's test. My guess is either Suzuka, Istanbul Park, or an American track, like (my guess) Road Atlanta.

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 11:30

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I accept this reality and substitute the current reality with it.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 11:41

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Wow. This makes a TON of sense. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if you weren't spot on.

Anon > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 11:49

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Laguna Secca!

Anima > Wheelerguy 03/11/2015 at 11:51

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There is always that private racetrack /resort in Spain they use a lot for their dvds

Captain of the Enterprise > Wheelerguy 03/11/2015 at 11:52

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or Road America

Wheelerguy > Anima 03/11/2015 at 11:58

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Oh, yes. Ascari Race Resort .

I should have known. It's got all the famous turns, is large, private, and neutral.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 12:16

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Well now, I just went from "Damn Clarkson!" to "... Damn, Clarkson!"

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 12:23

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Nah, those are all too public. Red Bull Ring or Paul Ricard? They're remote.

Camshaft Chris: Skyline/McLaren/Porsche Fanboy > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 13:08

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This would be the best conspiracy theory yet! And it really does make perfect sense. That has Top Gear's sense of humor written all over it. Blame Clarkson's old-curmudgeon persona and past tendency for trouble (and punching people) and the world buys it hook line and sinker!

As for what track they'd use, I'd think they'd go somewhere big, but like you said in another comment, somewhere unassociated with any of the manufacturers. If they do leave Europe and come to the US, I would think Road America. Long straightaways, hard braking, a few tight corners, but a few long sweepers as well. Back in Europe? Then I would go with either Spa. Other options kind of close to manufacturers' HQs that would work: Silverstone (if that's not too close to McLaren), Monza (if that's not too close to Ferrari), or Hockenheimring (if that's not too close to Porshce).

HammerheadFistpunch > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 14:37

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How do you get a crew to want to get off a nuclear submarine?

Cixelsyd > HammerheadFistpunch 03/11/2015 at 14:37

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I was THIS CLOSE to posting a picture of that scene in the article. No joke.

Funktheduck > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 15:11

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I like this.

HL3 confirmed

MysticStick > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 15:18

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If this is true then Top Gear has become Top Troll.

PS9 > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 15:50

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Occam's Razor; There's no need for secrecy regarding this issue. Manufacturer scrutiny is already a known variable by now, and it takes less effort to simply tell everyone that the show's postponed for a week or so to get everything sorted for the test than it does to manufacture a scandal undercover of conspiracy.

StingrayJake > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 16:13

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The thought has crossed my mind. It's not like the show needs any more buzz than it already gets, but this could be a very well thought out strategy/campaign that's going to lead to something big.

Or he just punched some guy because he's an over-paid grump.

Also, a lot of the reviews and travels are filmed well in advance. The only weekly taping they do is in the studio and the star-in-a-car segments.

Tim (Fractal Footwork) > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 17:24

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turbojames > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 17:32

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Speaking of the hypercar test, I bet Ferrari would take out the whole goddamn Scuderia just to set the car up for the test, and you know what, I'd be okay with that. These are cars designed for demolishing racetracks, and they require a highly skilled team of experts to keep them at top shape- the P1 and 918 included.

45bullets > Mattbob 03/11/2015 at 18:27

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jet fuel can't melt steel beams.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 23:33

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10 bucks says they missed some editing or filming deadline and their covering their asses by exploiting Jeremy's well known idiocy

Steve in Manhattan > Cixelsyd 03/11/2015 at 23:40

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As goes Clarkson's Top Gear career, so goes May's and Hammond's. The show will not work if they replace someone. So May and Hammond are not risking their Top Gear careers by posting silly Tweets. If Clarkson is done, so are they.

TheHondaBro > PS9 03/11/2015 at 23:49

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But it's Top Gear, the shenanigan-iest show on the planet!

Mattbob > 45bullets 03/12/2015 at 07:24

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haha

Cixelsyd > Steve in Manhattan 03/12/2015 at 08:13

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Then shouldn't they be pissed at him instead of joking with him?

I'm the first to admit the story I posted is pure speculation and probable bullshit, but those tweets just don't make sense. I'd love to know the real facts about what went down to lead to the suspension.

Cixelsyd > StingrayJake 03/12/2015 at 10:41

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Also, a lot of the reviews and travels are filmed well in advance. The only weekly taping they do is in the studio and the star-in-a-car segments.

I'm aware of that, and it actually works in favor of this crazy theory. One of the issues they had in setting up the hypercar test was Porsche trying to find them a car to use. If Porsche called and said "we have one available this week, and this week only" they might have dropped everything to go tape it.

Also, if you have that tape, I'm guessing you rework the rest of your season to make room for it to air at the end of the season. There is no way they sit on it for months until next season. That takes time to do as well.

I'm not suggesting I'm right, just that the final point you made doesn't actually work against the theory.

Steve in Manhattan > Cixelsyd 03/12/2015 at 20:33

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Clarkson is generally pretty honest about these things. And who knows - the three of them might just be tired of doing it - that show is a lot of work and a lot of physical stress.

Wheelerguy > Anon 03/13/2015 at 00:19

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You are completely right!!! Why have I not thought of that?